A DIFFERENT TWIST

This is an AU based on the second-season episode entitled "Wild Adventure."

            Robinson and West wanted Smith to hand over the paper on which he had Earth's position plotted. Smith refused.

            West said, "I'll get it from him, John," and started toward the older man.

            With a small cry, Smith turned and ran from him, around the astrogator. But all too soon, he realized that his course was taking him right back around to Robinson, who waited grimly. He fetched up short, which easily allowed West to catch up with him. With a louder cry of dismay, Smith partially turned back toward West, away from Robinson, just as he was caught.

            Smith had tightly clenched the fingers of both hands; it was impossible for the younger men to determine which hand held the wadded-up paper. West seized Smith's left wrist and gave it a sharp twist, eliciting a shriek. Only an instant later, Robinson grabbed the right wrist and twisted hard, bringing the arm up behind Smith's back, and spinning him fully toward West.

            Smith screamed in pain, and opened both sets of clenched fingers. Robinson easily retrieved the paper wad from Smith's right hand. Both men released him.

            With a mournful cry, Smith bent at the waist and cradled both abused wrists against his body. He whimpered. "Why did you have to be rough with me?? You both hurt me!!"

            West replied, "Next time, don't resist."

            Robinson scoffed, "If we ever really hurt you, you'll know the difference."

            "I am hurt!! I'm badly hurt!!!"

            Forcing patience that he didn't feel, Robinson instructed, "Here, let me see."

            Robinson examined both wrists gently, while Smith whined in pain. West glanced at the "damage" as well, with a rueful expression, and corrected, "We barely touched you. We just twisted your arms."

            Robinson assured him, "Nothing's broken."

            "But they're both so red!"

            West quipped, "They won't stay red. No, they'll turn blue and purple."

            Smith looked alarmed.

            Robinson soothed him, "You're just bruised, he means."

            "When'll they stop hurting??"

            "In a day or two," Robinson replied.

            "A day?? Or two???"

            "Simmer down, Smith," West ordered. "Or we'll give you something to whine about."

            Smith looked both affronted and scared, and fell silent. But as soon as the men busied themselves with the data on Smith's paper, he recommenced softly whimpering.

            West turned on him. "Stop being such a baby!"

            "But it hurts," Smith said with a sniffle. "Please make it stop!"

            Robinson tried to present a sympathetic air, as he said, "We can't. We can hurt you, but we can't 'un-hurt' you. You'll just have to wait it out."

            "I can't!"

            West lost his temper. "Go below!"

            "I can't! I'm too hurt to operate the elevator!"

            "Oh for the love of...!" West gave him a push into the elevator, and pressed the button for him.

            "Careful! Careful!!" Smith protested as he was propelled, and then, once inside, he mumbled, "It's a good thing we have an elevator! I wouldn't be able to climb down the ladder, hurt like this!"

            Robinson advised, "Look, Smith, if it hurts that badly, ask my wife if she'll wrap cold compresses around your wrists; that should be soothing."

            "Thank you. I shall." But he still sounded more resentful than grateful for the suggestion. His lower lip pouted at them, as the elevator lowered him.

            West shook his head, his temper barely in check.

            As Robinson had suggested, Smith went weeping and wailing to Mrs. Robinson, who, with her daughters, was busy preparing dinner. She and Judy crowded close to Smith, as he shared his sad tale.

            "They were so rough with me! They hurt me! I'm so afraid of them!" he cried.

            Mrs. Robinson gingerly touched his right wrist. "John did this to you??"

            Judy lightly caressed his left wrist. "Don did this to you??"

            "Yes," he sobbed, nodding. "They chased me! Around the astrogator! They trapped me between them! It was so horrible! I was so frightened!!"

            "Aw, poor Dr. Smith!" Judy commiserated.

            Maureen hesitated. "Look, Dr. Smith, I sympathize, but why did they do it? What did you do to provoke them?"

            Smith looked wounded. "I had something they wanted on a piece of paper. They demanded that I hand it over. I didn't want to."

            "But what was it??"

            "Earth's position relative to us."

            She was shocked. "Well, that's a pretty important piece of information. I can see why they wanted it. Look, let me get dinner on to cook, and then I'll help you."

            When Robinson and West descended at dinner time, Smith was still crying quietly. He hadn't heard the elevator, and was badly startled when West fumed at him from behind, "Smith, quit blubbering!"

            Smith gasped and turned toward the men, and then addressed the women. "Help me! Don't let them hurt me again! They're too rough with me! I'm scared!!"

            Before the women could reply, Robinson frowned at Smith and demanded, "Isn't it a little early for you to already be in your nightie? You could've remained dressed for dinner at least."

            Smith complained childishly, "I couldn't! The sleeves were too tight! They hurt me too much! I needed something looser!"

            Both men once again found their tempers barely in check. They saw that Smith did indeed have cold damp cloths wrapped around both wrists.

            Smith whined and whimpered through dinner at the difficulty in feeding himself. At length, as the ladies were clearing the table, he suddenly, sharply cried, "Ow!!!"

            "Now what?!" demanded West.

            Smith rubbed at his eye like a tousled little boy. "Something's in my eye! It hurts!!"

            Sighing in infinitely-strained patience, Robinson rose, went around the table to him, and demanded, "Let me see. Tilt your head back."

            Skittishly, Smith barely cooperated; he was jittery with fright.

            "Hold still." He pried open the eyelid.

            "That hurts!!"

            "Stop jiggling."

            "Ow!!! That feels creepy!!!"

            "Oh for crying out loud!" West exclaimed, rounded the table to join them, and declared, "I'll hold him still." He propped one foot on a chair, planted his knee firmly in the middle of Smith's back, seized his shoulders, and forcibly restrained him, while Robinson, no longer hindered by his patient's wiggling, peeled up the upper lid, grabbed the offending eyelash and efficiently removed it.

            "Ow, ow, ow!!!" Released by both men, Smith covered his face with his hands, and cried into them.

            "You big baby!" West semi-repeated his earlier criticism, as he and Robinson returned to their seats.

            "Don't yell at me," Smith whined at West. He pried uncertainly at the bandage on his right wrist so that he could peer beneath it a bit. He gasped and said, "You're right, it's turning blue." Then, he gingerly tugged at the one on his left wrist, and declared miserably, "Both of them are."

            Robinson gently said, "Let me see."

            Hesitantly, Smith extended both wrists, as West also reached for the left one at the same time. Robinson and West unwound the bandages, revealing two now mostly blue bruised wrists.

            Smith gasped in dismay, but Robinson said, "As we expected."

            West eyed Smith sternly, and said, "Smith, heaven help you if we ever truly clobber you."

            Smith's eyes widened in response, shifted from West's to Robinson's, and saw concurrence there.

            "He's right," agreed Robinson. "As vulnerable and sensitive as you are, you seriously never want to really tangle with us."

            Smith crumpled into tears, as he murmured in agreement, "No...no...no...!" He swallowed hard, and asked gingerly, "You mean, ...if you ever...hit me???"

            Robinson made a fist and nodded. So did West.

            Smith shuddered hard and dissolved into tears once again. "Oh no, that mustn't happen!! That mustn't ever happen!!!"

            "Look, Smith," said Robinson. "If you really want to make an effort to stay out of trouble with us, then know this, and remember it. Our problem with you is basically, typically this: you, Will, and the Robot go out and get involved with aliens. You prevail upon Will to keep quiet about it. And by the time that Don and I find out what's going on, it's a full-blown emergency. If you're serious about staying out of trouble with us, then stop doing that!!"

            Smith sniffled and regarded him wide-eyed. "That's not the only thing that gets me into trouble with you two! Ignoring the fact that I'm weak, old, and mechanically inept, you two insist on making me work with you on technical things, and then when I foul up something because I can't handle it, you get angry and threaten me. I desperately wish that you two would stop doing that." Seeing their less-than-happy reactions to that, he hastily added, "With all due respect. Uh, sirs."

            Robinson pondered his words, and then he came to a conclusion. "All right, let's make a deal: from now on, when you encounter aliens, you stay away from them, and you come to Don and me immediately and tell us everything that you know about them. And you don't even try to get Will to keep it quiet. In return, we'll stop trying to get you to work with us. How's that?"

            Smith was awed. "That...sounds very fair, sir. I agree. I promise." Then he forced a lame smile. "I would offer to shake hands, but I can't. Both arms hurt too much!" He held them up demonstrably. Both arms were shaking

            Robinson and West smiled mildly in return.

            West said, "You've made a very wise decision, Smith. If you stick to it."

            Smith looked sheepish and actually a bit modest. "I don't know how wise I am. If I were really wise, I wouldn't've had to learn the hard way to obey you two. But I will stick to it."

            Robinson added, "And if we ever again tell you to hand something over to us...."

            "I won't resist. I'll surrender it immediately."

            "All right. We'll see."